Thursday, January 13, 2011

I tried on a New Self.

  Today, my nephew reminded of me something. He left an update on Facebook that stated, "I should bring back Jerry curls. LOL" His comment had me thinking of when I had just turned 18, I just became a senor in high school and when I was just figuring out who I wanted to be.  Early on I had figured out that we can be who I wanted to be; although, I shunned away from ridicule back then. I decided to one day shed my cocoon of depression.
  This for me meant getting a hair cut and a change of clothes. I wore my hair long in the front and shorter in the back. Sun glasses were not aloud in my school, so the next best thing was a shield that would drop in front of my face when ever I wanted to hide. This happened was five days a week. A quick tip of the head and I was under a mop of hair hidden from my peers.
  A great example of my hair style is a little longer than of that of Justin Bieber's hair today. For clothing I wore black, with black socks and black shoes.  I wasn't really Goth although my depression-ist state of mine lead people to believe I was a Goth. The ones that thought of me as anything else thought of me as a nerd or just seemly weird. Either way, I really didn't have a lot of friends at school. But once I was free. I would join my real friends. They know who they are and we will just keep it that way for now.
  Well, back to my hair. One day, I decide to change. I had fallen in love and want that person to know it. I wanted let everyone know that I was no longer depressed. I went to Victor my brother’s hair stylist and asked him cut my hair. He was surprised when I wanted a cut as described.
  "Victor, I need you to cut my hair a little different today."
  "How so?" he asked, as he started to lean me back and wash the hair spray out of my hair.
  "I want it short on the sides and with short curls on the top."
  He laughed, before answering, “You know it is expensive to do perms.”
  "How expensive,” I asked, I hadn't really thought of the money.
  "About severity,"
  "Dollars, really," I questioned, with great inflection in my voice.
  "Yeah," he answered, raising me up and turning me to face the mirror. He noticed the frown on my face and smiled.
  "What?" I asked.
  "Don't worry about it. Let’s talk turkey."
  I had thought we were talking about my hair style. I am just glad I chose to continue to look at myself in the mirror and not express anything about the price of turkeys in Sunnyside.
  "How much do you have?" he asked.
  "About $35, $45 if I walk to school,” I laughed.
  "Okay, so which is it? You willing to walk to school for a week." he asked.
  I decided to walk and he charged me 45 bucks. When he was done he had used a lot of curlers, small and tight. I could feel my hair pulling from my head. I was painful and made me appreciate what women go through to look great. We were done and I was in a hurry to get back to school. I was late for an after school Club meeting and needed to be there before it started. I thanked him and I left.
  When I sat down in my normal seat, this cute blond leaned over. I later found out she was a cheerleader for another school.
  "You better find another place that seat belongs to someone else."
  I almost laughed. I had sat there for a month and she had not taken notice of me other than that of the long hair and dark cloths.
  "It will be okay," I offered opening my book.
  "No, it wont, he looks mean and he will beat you up."
  "Really, I don't think it will be a problem; he is not going to show up today,” I answered, turning to look her in the eyes.
  She smiled and liked my confidence. Then she noticed my dark cloths and worn tennis shoes.
  "Oh, I am sorry," she exclaimed.
  "What?" I asked.
  "I thought you were someone else," she answered, as the meeting started.
  "Me too," I whispered, as I settled into my new self.
  This isn't that kind of love story and I didn't go out with her. She did show me that I had changed, so much so that I wasn't recognized by people that should have. The ones that thought of me at all didn't think I was a Goth anymore, and the ones that thought of me as a nerd, still did. By the end of the next day, everyone thought of me as just weird. Although, popular peers asked me where I had gotten the hair cut and soon ten or so of my peers sported the same hair style.
  My real friends loved it and some even ran there fingers through it. I loved that hair cut but it did put me on the defensive.
  It is like being invisible one day and walking around with a Multi-colored flag the next. People notice you and I started to feel self-conscience of the glances. When school was out I left for Mabton, Toppenish, and My friend in Grandview, I can't for get about you.  By the time, I got the next hair cut I was ready for a different hair style. On a side note, I never went back to the Justin Bieber look.
  I studied my photo albums and I couldn't find very many photos myself back then. Which is a good a thing, I guess. I need to know that I am different now. Less set on the way I look and more on the way I see myself in the mirror. Like that day at Victor's watching him change me into someone else, someone closer to who I wanted to be.
  Thanks, for reading my Blog and I hope to hear comments from you all. Today, I have decided to make my comments private. I will still get them just they will not post without a first glance through from me. If you comment please let me know if you want them posted to my blog for others to ready.

No comments:

Post a Comment